I wish I could punch you in the face.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
