What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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