There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
