You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
