This is not my ceiling
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
