He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
