All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
