I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
