Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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