you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize