sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
