we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
