If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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