I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
