i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
