capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
