Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is Oprah even human
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
