you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
