went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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