my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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