So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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