I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
