did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
