Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
