You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
