Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
