Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
