Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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