just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
