Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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