I'm going to jail i love you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
