"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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