Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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