he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
