woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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