The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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