So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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