I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
