similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
