Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she told me i tasted like america
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
