I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
