threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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