sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
