Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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