sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
