I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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