I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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