dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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