woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
