You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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