i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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