Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
