Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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