): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
