But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize