a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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