Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
