I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
