Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
