My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
