I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
