I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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