I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
