I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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