are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
