and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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