I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
