Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
