where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if only i could text you this smell
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
