i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
