Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We left the knife in your bed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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