Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your penis caused this!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
