I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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