Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
