Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
