I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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